49th nationals meet.

[05/07/08]

As i entered the stadium at Choa Chu Kang, the pressure i felt intensified and my adrenaline started to build up again. I hate that familiar queasy feeling and numbness - as well as feeling weak all about the body - I had experienced two years back at the Nationals Junior Track and Field competition.

This time round, it was the 49th nationals track and field meet heats for athletes to pit against each other and to qualify for the finals. I acknowledged my passion for running but i'm compared to others, not very fast in terms of timing, especially when i'm of small built and hence waiting for puberty so i refrained from doing weights. When it boils down to the competition, you will understand why you would train enthusiastically for years and years only to compete in that race that will end in seconds or minutes.

I still remembered how i was whining to my captain the previous day about my insecurities and anxieties. He gave me advice that was bound to alleviate my worries abit. I can't believe i'm in the stadium at this moment. Time simply passed too fast.

As the race commenced, i started to feel void of any pressure. I told myself i just needed to completed this meaningless race (which i found out later i was wrong).
"Bang!" The loud blast of the gunshot reverberated in my mind and i took a little while to react before kicking off the starting blocks. BAD START. I did not kept to my strategy of sprinting the first 50 metre and i completely lost my form, especially my arm movement and running momentum.
During the last 200m, i started to slow down drastically. I allowed the lactic to take its' toll on me and i started to tire rapidly. I saw a few of my other competitors the ran past me, making me fall behind my intial 3rd position. I had a feeling i was last. At the last hundred metre, i literally gave up. I did not quicken my pace, neither did i tell myself : "Push, Rayan, come on, do your best, break your personal best... Push!". And with that, i completed my race with much regret and discomfort after knowing from my track mates i actually not the last.
My previous personal best was at secondary 2 which was 67seconds. This time i made it under 60seconds. It was a catch22 situation-whether i should be happy- because an improvement of more than 7seconds wasn't marginal and in this event, it is alot... At the same time, 67s is considered a very slow timing, so obviously with another 2 years of effort, i can obviously do so much more better. I knew if i hadn't gave up, i could easily attain a 57seconds.

[Analogue]: Weeelll, we went swimming afterwards. Kind of fun since the whole group went. Kind of retarded too, such is the fact when we used our PE attire to dry ourselves up. Where else can you find such good ol' buddies? Oh yeah, there was this sign that advises swimmers not to dive in the "river pool", which i completely ignored due to the fun i was having in the water. Not to soon, i chipped the edge of my upper front tooth because i dived right into the floor of the pool. It hurts alot. The floor tasted stupid, too.

There was alot to learn today, and hence the reflection. I find that i actually give up way earlier than others. So what if you have the technical advantage ? I need to overcome that mental barrier otherwise i can never unlock my potential and worst still, like today, even let it override my techniques. Additionally, i learned that to embrace competition or obstacles is the best way to do well for it, instead of consoling oneself to put in minimal effort since you will never win. Such negative attitude and character of mine definitely has room for improvement and some complementary review sessions.

My thanks to Ashwin for the chance to experience the atmosphere